THEN LIFE HAPPENED: CONFESSIONS IN A QUARANTINE
“So I’ll celebrate the truth | His work in me ain’t through | I’m just unfinished”
~ Mandisa, “Unfinished”
Okay, confession number one: this blog post was supposed to be completed and posted last Thursday, April 30.
Confession number two: the first draft of my latest novel was also supposed to be completed last Thursday, April 30.
Confession number three: neither one of those things happened. 😊
I’d like to blame it on the Coronavirus. That would be convenient. After all, thanks to it the life of basically everyone I know has been turned upside down (or right side up, depending on who we’re speaking of) and none of us have been immune to the effect of such terms as “social distancing”, “lockdown”, and “quarantine”. Certainly, it would be easy for me to blame what has been some of the weirdest, craziest days any of us have ever seen for the fact I missed some deadlines. No one would blame me, for sure.
Only I’m not sure that’s why I missed them.
Don’t get me wrong: these days have had their impact. Helping my Mom stock emergency supplies, helping my Dad do emergency ministry, helping my brother with emergency needs (not to mention communicating with neighbors, extended family, and friends on Facebook to the point that “social distancing” for me has come to mean “staying off social media to keep some sanity”!), have all combined to make it very challenging on a practical level to accomplish basic daily tasks. I imagine you have experienced a similar story as well. Yet, in full disclosure, I just don’t know if all of that is the real reason I missed my deadlines. It had its impact, but was it the cause?
You see, I’ve missed deadlines before. Repeatedly. My first novel, Sengali: A Cat’s Tale, took four years to write and three years to publish and it looks like my latest novel might actually surpass that record. I first got the idea for it in October of 2014—five and a half years ago—and I am still only halfway through the first draft (though Mom says I should clarify that I didn’t start writing on it in earnest until Sengali was published in 2017, to not make myself sound too pathetic 😉)!
*sigh of frustration*
Now, I feel I may need to clarify something before going any further. I’m not depressed: not giving up or “throwing in the towel”. I’m certainly not doubting my calling as a writer or my identity as a Daughter of God. I’ve prayed about this blog post and am trusting the Lord to turn it into something edifying for you, dear Reader, and glorifying to Him…but may I be perfectly honest for a few paragraphs?
I just may not be good at goal setting.
Somehow even saying that on a blog feels like a betrayal. After all, this is my blog. “Christis Joy: Author, Writing Consultant, Story Explorer”…that’s me. I’m supposed to be a professional. Look polished. Have all the answers. Either already arrived or know where I’m going and fifteen steps on how you can get there, too. I’m also thirty-four years old. I should either be married with children or have a successful career (with success being defined as being paid well and meeting the approval of other people). And I am a Christian, the daughter of a minister, which carries with it the odd expectation of needing to be some strange combination of flawless saint who never has to struggle with anything and hopelessly flawed human who can’t walk in victory and should just be “honest” about the skeletons lurking in my closet.
(Wait—the what in my closet?!…But moving on…😉)
The truth is however, I am neither faultless nor despicable, and, in the spirit of that sincerity, let me return to the subject at hand:
I just may not be good at goal setting.
You may not relate to this at all (and God bless you if you don’t: you have my deepest admiration!). You may not even think I should be admitting this. Believe me, I know how counter-cultural it is. We live in a world and in a society that seems split between two classes of people: the lazy complainers who want everything handed to them on a silver platter (Socialism) or the hard-working, goal-setting entrepreneur who makes something grand out of their lives because they earn it (Free Enterprise). I definitely do not want to fit into the former and I have a huge amount of respect for the latter and so I have tried very much to copy the lives of those who worked hard and achieved their dreams. I’ve read books, listened to interviews, attended conferences, taken notes, bought day planners (including a FranklinCovey), decorated vision boards, and hunkered down to “work hard, pray hard, and make those goals happen!”
Yet here I am, missing another deadline and I’m honestly not sure why.
Unless it’s just that life happened.
I don’t know why God had me write this post. Maybe no one will read it and it was His way of having me capture the burden of my heart and lay it at His feet. Or maybe it’s to encourage someone out there who is struggling just like I am with how different your life looks than the people you admire. You want to accomplish something significant with your life as they have with theirs (or at least, so it seems to you), yet they make it look so easy, so effortless, while you feel like keeping the cat fed, the house moderately clean, and the checkbook relatively balanced in the middle of whatever else shattered your plan for the day is a huge success! Well, for those of you reading this who might have added me to the “Superhuman Success List” because I have a published novel and a website with my name on it, let me enlighten you…
I struggle with meeting goals (especially ones involving dates and calendars). I don’t own a car. I live with my parents. My idea of a fun Friday night is picking up $6.00 Little Ceasars pizza and watching Hopalong Cassidy or playing a game of Phase 10 with my family. I don’t have a passport. I haven’t flown anywhere in two years. I struggle with promoting my book Sengali (even though I love the story!) because I’m shy and easy going (a fact not everyone knows about me 😊). I would rather take a walk in the woods, listening to the birds sing and watching the squirrels play, than spend time earning a lot of money or doing activities other people really get into (like ballgames or community events). I’m inclined to move slow and enjoy stillness, which can sometimes mean I struggle with being late to appointments. And, if it comes down to investing in nurturing a relationship (including with the Lord) or meeting a deadline, I’m going to choose the relationship. Period. Even if it means I look as irresponsible as I sometimes feel.
Hear me clearly: I do believe in work! I don’t own a car because I chose to spend my time writing a book or serving my Dad’s ministry or focusing on other people than getting a “day job” to pay for a car that, quite frankly, I didn’t need. I still live at home with my parents not because I am afraid to “launch out on my own” but because God called me here—and I wouldn’t trade all of the years I have had to share their joys, help carry their burdens, and glean from their wisdom for all the accolades in the world. This post is not meant to be either a pity party or an excuse for people to sit on their rumps and do nothing with their life. But it is an honest confession to (hopefully) encourage other people who love stillness, simplicity, quiet beauty, and the art of just “be-ing” that you’re not alone.
Don’t look at people you think are “successful” and compare yourself to what you think their life is like. Everyone has their own story. Each of us make our own choices that we will give an account to God for (and, ultimately, God alone). Your life may not look like the success books. You may struggle with meeting goals. You may, like me, find yourself so enthralled or consumed (usually both) with the wonder of daily life that planning where you will be one year from now sounds completely overwhelming. I think that’s okay; at least, I hope it is. But, either way, I wanted you to know that even an “Author, Writing Consultant, and Story Explorer” with a published novel and her own blog can still find it incredibly difficult to meet simple goals. The good thing is, though, my worth is not defined by my productivity. It isn’t defined by what people think of me. And it isn’t defined by whether or not I complete everything on my Goal Board.
My worth is defined by Jesus. He loves me no matter what. He’s teaching me to persevere. He’s completing His work in me.
And He will do the same in you if you will allow Him!
So let’s not allow the enemy to beat us up, nor put people on a pedestal thinking they have it all together while we don’t. We’re all just humans learning to trust in the perfecting grace of a very faithful God…
Who ALWAYS accomplishes His goals!
“He Who calls you is faithful, Who also will do it.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:24
LIVE EPIC,
CHRISTIS JOY
