MY LOVE STORY (SO FAR), PART THREE: INTENTIONAL WAITING

“Like waking up from the longest dream, how real it seemed…until Your love broke through.”

“Your Love Broke Through” by Keith Greene

I once heard a heroine in a story say the fear she felt at being captured by bandits “paled in comparison” to how safe she felt in her hero’s arms when he came to her rescue.

That’s certainly how it was for me.

As I walked out of that gymnasium (see my last blog post) into the parking lot of South Laurel High School, I knew my life had turned a beautiful corner. Peace overwhelmed me like I hadn’t felt since the early days of my childhood when I first trusted in Jesus. His presence was so real I could almost see Him standing there: tall and handsome in the crisp autumn air, His smile beaming under the bright October stars, His gentle, piercing eyes dancing as they watched me get into the car with my family. I remember it so clearly, as if it happened tonight: a moment so glorious my fourteen-year-old heart barely knew what to do with it. Then He was right there in the car with me, no longer visible but inside of and all around me, and I knew I would never, ever feel alone again. It must sound completely insane if you’ve never known the “peace of God, which passes knowledge”, but, trust me, His peace was (and is) more real than any counterfeit this world offers. The shame and fear that had haunted me for years over my secret sins and flirtation with satan were just…gone.

“Like that!”

In an instant.

And in its place was the sweetest, purest, kindest, strongest Love I (or anyone) could ever know. I had finally fallen off the fence of compromise—that horrible, torturous, confusing fence—right into the arms of my Savior.

Now, usually this is the part in my story where I wrap up with a tight, “And Jesus has been faithful ever since” (mostly because I’ve run out of time with whatever group I am telling my story to 😊). Certainly, He has been faithful. More than faithful! But one of the reasons I wanted to write this blog series is to be able to expound on exactly how He has been faithful, especially in the area of waiting for my Future Husband. For something else happened that glorious night in October, quite unlooked for but inexplicably wonderful.

I fell in love.

With Jesus, yes—absolutely with Him—but with someone else, too. I didn’t know it happened; I truly thought I was giving up all hope of it as I surrendered my life on that gym floor (and I was giving up any hope I had of me making it happen). But Jesus knew. Perhaps it was one reason why His eyes were twinkling. He knew what had just transpired. He knew that when I surrendered to Him, He then filled me with His very nature: His joy, His peace, His courage, His patience—and, especially, His love. More specifically, His love for one very special person.

My Future Husband.

Love is such a mystery and I won’t even bother trying to explain it—I hardly understand it myself—all I know is that when I surrendered my life and love story to Jesus He gave me His version in its place, infinitely “above and beyond all that [I] could ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). I didn’t realize it at first, yet somewhere around the age of fifteen I became aware that I was thinking of my Future Husband as a real person. Not just a concept, not just a hope, and (thankfully) not the selfish figment of my imagination I had created before my surrender (remember the handsome, prominent millionaire I wanted to wrap around my little finger?). He became a living, breathing human being walking on the planet somewhere whom God would one day bring to me (or bring me to? Still not sure how that works 😉). So I started to pray for him. I started thinking of how he would feel if he could see how I related to boys. I started wanting to honor him in my thoughts as well as my actions. I wanted to save everything for him: not just my body, but my soul and spirit as well. I wanted to be faithful to him the way Jesus had been faithful to me: before the man knew me, before he chose me, before he could love me back. I wanted to love him so sacrificially that when I looked into his eyes on our wedding day and vowed to love him forever it would only be a continuation of what I had already been doing, by the power of God’s Holy Spirit.

That was almost twenty years ago…

And I love him more today than I ever have in my life.

How?

Because “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

If I had been relying on myself to stay faithful, I would have burned out in the first six months. I believe that’s why so many so-called “purity commitments” don’t stick: we are relying on our own selfish self-effort (like I was in my first blog post) instead of surrendering to the Holy Spirit of God and His will for our lives. We cannot love another person selflessly without Love Himself dwelling in our hearts and giving us the power to do it, and we cannot “wait”—sexually or otherwise—for another person without a really strong dose of selfless love on a daily basis. For me, practically speaking, that has looked like not dating, not pursuing romantic relationships, and guarding my interaction with men so that my man would feel comfortable if he were standing beside me. The waiting is intentional, fueled by God’s love for my Future Husband, and always at the heart of it lies surrender—even to the point of never being married if that’s what will bring the biggest smile to Jesus’ face.

I know by this point some eyes may have started rolling. Honestly, I am okay with that. God may not have brought you to the same convictions He has me. I’m not even sure everyone is supposed to have a love story like mine. I know many, many Christian couples who are happily married that “dated”, or “courted”, or generally pursued the opposite sex to get to that place. Their motive for taking that approach is between them and the Lord. And I definitely know how radically different my story is from the world’s approach to relationships—downright lunacy. Yet I also know I have discovered something through all this waiting that simply can’t be found any other way. Something exceedingly precious.

Something sacred.

Yet, like all sacred things, this treasure has come at a price.

I hope you will read my next blog post to find out if it has been worth it.

Until then…

Choose HEROIC,

CHRISTIS JOY